This month has been heart wrenching, mind blowing and eye opening.
My hubby and I joke around that I might be coming down with a case of dementia. Unless something very specific catches my eye, I won't remember any of the details. My brain can only take so much input. And the other day, I figured out why.
I was headed to work listening to Easy Listening when Air Supply comes on the radio. I think to myself, "Awesome! I loved them when I was a kid!" I start humming and then realize that I know EVERY word to this song. I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you.... I even know when the pitch changes in the chorus. I know this song word for word, note by note. Could this possibly be what is causing my brain to malfunction with real important stuff that I should be memorizing to this? Am I destined to mumble on my deathbed the lyrics to Easy Listening music? I even know the lyrics to a Basia song that is playing on the supermarket radio. A band that my brother listened to while I was growing up. I literally have a musical in my head at all times. All it needs is a few notes and away we go! And just in case you are saying, "Basia who???" Here is a link: Basia - Time and Tide.
Why, oh why, did my mother never tell me about things I am discovering? Such as you will continue to have more and more peach fuzz on your face and neck as you get older. You might not think this is a big deal but it is. Especially when you are at the orthodontist and they are adjusting a wire in your mouth with a tool and while they are tightening the tool it inadvertently grabs onto some facial hair and rips it out. I mean, seriously, how long does this peach fuzz have to be to get trapped in an orthodontic tool? What is going on?
I always wanted to be the cool mom where all the kids could come over and play and have loads of fun. But no, I am the mom that doesn't have junk food in the house and doesn't have refrigerator boxes sitting in my massive storage room waiting to be turned into a rocket. (I don't actually know a mom like this but I am sure they are out there). We do have have a trampoline but I am the mom that kicks off the random neighbors that show up in our backyard because, Gosh darn it, you cannot rough house on our trampoline. Mean mom!!
I have prayed more this past year over my oldest than I pray for my husband to surprise me with a newer car. And if you know me personally you will realize that that is A LOT. My son is my different little bird. Who teaches me grace, acceptance and how to be a momma lion. I have not mastered any of this but I am learning to fight with my heart and hopefully a little love is attached to that. What I really want to do is shake those who don't get it. Shake them until they start seeing my boy for who he really is, who he is going to become and encourage that. Not his test scores. And then I will shake myself so I can take a deep breath and realize that, inside, I am just a little girl who is trying to figure things out. One day at a time.