Monday, January 25, 2010

january

I have about 10 blogs that I have started and never finished. I keep trying to be that person that writes a whole blog about the same topic. It just isn't me. I am all over the place. And that is OK.

And so it begins....

Funny kid things:

Asher was telling us a story about Michael, King of the Planet. Which made me think why were they teaching mythical creatures in Kindergarten? Don't they do that in high school? So, while I was thinking my thoughts he was telling me about how the white kids wouldn't let the black kids in school and then a black man, Michael, King of the Planet, was shot because he wanted all kids to go to school together. At first, I was thinking racism? They are teaching racism? Oh my gosh what are they doing to my son? Then slowly my brain was telling myself to think like a 5 year old. Michael, King of the Planet, check. Black man shot, check. Helping people love each other, check. January, check. ooooooohhhhhhhhhh!

"Asher, do you mean Martin Luther KING?"
"No, Mom. Michael, King of the Planet!!"
"Um, son? I love you. His name is Martin Luther King."
"oh."

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Insecurities are a tricky thing. Sometimes they can be a window into why someone is behaving a certain way. Which then can cause for an amount of grace to be given from the opposite party. Or sometimes they can be an exhausting reminder that someone has deep issues and they should get some counseling.

I feel like I know myself enough to know just about every one of my insecurities. And I can tell you almost every incident that made those insecurities take life. I absolutely hate when I have said or acted in a way that was backed up by an insecurity. Not only does it make known that insecurity but it seems to be a confirmation that I am insecure. And sometimes the people that you do not trust with your insecurity see it and pounce on it. Hopefully all subconsciously. Does insecure sound like a weird word right now or is it just me?

I am in my 30's. I do not seem confident like I thought I would be by now. Was I really more confident in my 20's or was I completely blind to my insecurities? Thus causing me not to care about what I said or did? Should we be mature enough to feign confidence therefore hiding any insecurity to the public eye and pretend that nothing fazes us?

And when you know people are insecure in an area...how many times do you extend grace when someone's insecurities gets in the way of every day conversation? 7 times 70? or is that about forgiveness? Or their Facebook status' are an obvious way of needing pats on the back...do you give in and constantly tell them how wonderful they are? What would Jesus do? I think he would have you call a local church that does sozo and tell you to get over it. Um...hello! What was the cross for?

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I read this in the Shack and love it.

Papa: "...I am what some would say 'holy , and wholly other than you'. The problem is that many folks try to grasp some sense of who I am by taking the best version of themselves, projecting that to the nth degree, factoring in all the goodness they can perceive, which often isn't much, and then call that God. And while it may seem like a noble effort, the truth is that it falls pitifully short of who I really am. I'm not merely the best version of you that you can think of. I am far more that, above and beyond all that you can ask or think. Even though you can't finally grasp me, guess what? I still want to be known."

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So my husband is gone for 4 days for work. I have been dreading this trip since I have known about it. I depend on my husband a lot. He is my rock. My solid. My constant. And although it's only been one day since he's been gone, I am doing okay. Apparently, I have some strength of my own. Not to say the boys don't make me wanna roll on the ground and cry for Jesus to come back. Or that I want to pull my hair out. Which I actually told them I would do if they didn't cut mommy some slack while he was gone. Who wants a mommy with a bald patch?
One day down and I am feeling pretty good. But I refuse to get cocky...they sense false pride.

2 comments:

Kristin said...

I'm so glad you blog in randoms. Maybe one day Asher will be Asher King of the World. ;)

hutch mom said...

i LOVE your random thoughts...i think the same way, but *try* to organize my thoughts WAY to much! keep em coming!