Wednesday, December 3, 2008

I don't understand....

Here are a few things I just don't understand....and some possible solutions or reasons.

I don't understand why I let my kids run all over me when I am at the store.  Maybe because I am drinking a Chai Eggnog and it makes me loopy. 

I don't understand why when it gets cold outside and I put on a jacket and then I go into the store and my nose starts to run and my kids are running amuck and I feel like I am going to pass out from the heat and snot..I don't just leave the store.  Or buy duct tape.

I don't understand how the pretty girl behind the Starbucks counter can mess up my order....twice.  Maybe its because pretty girl's makeup was running down her face, or maybe its because she was talking to dreads boy and they were exchanging pheromones.

I don't understand why the welcome wagon would drop off a goody bag of coupons...when its raining?  Welcome to the are your soggy coupons for male-pattern baldness.

I don't understand that when its that time of the month I have to poo every 30 minutes and every 30 minutes like clockwork my kids interrupt me with their thirstiness and death by hunger pains.

I don't understand whilst my body is recovering from sickness and I smother my chest with vapor rub why it feels the need to explode my chest into white peaks of no goodness.  Give a girl a break!!!!  Thank God I don't have anything to show off so all I wear are t-shirts with the highest neckline possible.  Perhaps it's to move the eye upward and not notice the 34Long that I have become.  Where is Dr. 90210??

I don't understand why I need to take my fat-burning green tea pills with a meal and a large glass of water.  Perhaps its to soak the shakes that I have for taking them without eating.  Or maybe its to prevent the constant moving of my right leg.  Or that literally I could run around the block faster than Mighty Mouse.  Andalé Andalé!

I don't understand how its possible to spend 5 hours cleaning and nothing is clean.

I don't understand why I haven't a book deal yet.......


Jeanine said...

I am plagued with all those same questions, and I don't have any answers. I feel your pain ;)

Kristin said...

I don't understand why your blog is dated November 12th, when you just wrote it.

I don't understand where you get the courage to blog about your poo.

I don't understand why you have to live so freakin' far away.

I don't understand why you haven't WRITTEN a BOOK yet.

Anonymous said...

Me neither. -- anonymous (j/k Leilani)

Shyla said...

I for one definitely think you need a book deal. You are hilarious :o)
I have laughed at every post you've written. Keep em coming!

Diane said...

If I were a rich woman I would back your book, you are fabulously gifted my little friend!