Thursday, October 23, 2008

what to do, what to do.....


I am so bewildered, perplexed, and just flabbergasted.  In amazement and useless and unproductive.  i feel like a failure and its not looking good from my belly button's perspective.

I love my son.  love, love, love him.  Love his outgoingness, his never meeting a stranger, polite as the most southern gentleman could be.  He's gentle, and gracious and has the cutest dimples.  For 5 or 10 minutes to the outside world this boy is a peach.  But for me and now --his teacher, he is a whole different person.  And I will go bald because of it.

I have read books, talked to friends, pleaded with God and am almost to the point of sacrificing a goat to get some help.  We have timed out, talked it out, spanked it out, pleaded, taken away, yelled and even shed some tears but its not getting through.  I don't want people's opinions, I want a person to come to my house and tell me all the things I need to change and then tell me how to change it.

I suffer from a justice "gift"... so i want to punish him.  But then I think, you can't punish cuz that isn't God-like so I grace it up a bit to the point of no significant consequence. 
I suffer from getting too riled up .... so i have to shut my mouth for fear of the kid needing counseling.
I suffer from too many early-childhood classes ... so i worry about his self-esteem.
I suffer from judging .... so I constantly think people are judging me.
I suffer from making a mistake .... so that God doesn't have a chance to redeem.

Its hard to bestow advice to someone when not only is the kid different than other kids, but the mom is different than other moms.

What's a girl to do?  What's a mom to do when she already feels like she is failing?




1 comment:

the Becks inc. said...

Suzy,
I have just have to say that I can totally relate to you girl! Seriously. I am battling very similar issues with my 10 year old son (and the baby of the family). It's SO hard! I have even resorted to COUNSELING. :)
It makes me feel less alone though to know that other moms are struggling too and it doesn't mean we are failures!!!!!!!